In Remembrance

Last night, a friend of mine passed away. I’m still in shock.

Whenever that happens (and it has happened with a number of friends over the past years), I’m in a spin. It makes me re-evaluate and re-look at what’s important in my life and what I’m doing here on earth.

The difference is this time I had the honour and privilege of spending her last few hours here on earth, with her. And if I had known, I would probably have said more to her.

I wonder what her last few moments were like. The thing that gets to most is it could have been any one of us. It was a clubbing night. Something I haven’t done in awhile. And we all left the club a little tipsier than we should have been. She stayed on whilst the rest of us left earlier. It could have been any one of us.

I still can’t believe it. One moment you’re standing right in front of me, the next I’m saying goodbye to you in a box? Fuck.

I remember waking up this morning thinking I owe you a beer from last night.

Did He say it was your time? Or was it because of the choices you made?  I need to believe this isn’t the end. I can’t believe that’s it. Nothing more. Nada. All hopes and dreams and goals just vaporised into thin air with the collision of metal.

God life is short. And so damn fragile.

I can’t help but tell myself there’s something to take out of this, there’s a lesson in it, something to be learnt, remembered. So that your life doesn’t just accumulate to being one big party with no purpose. So that your death was not in vain.

Thank you for giving me the honour of being there with you last night. For sharing a little snippet of your dreams with me. For divulging a little of your past.

I apologise for not being responsible enough to make sure you were okay, or at least to ask you to get home safely. I’m sorry I just assumed I’d see you another night out partying. I’m sorry I was so damn irresponsible for my own life and anyone else around me that was driving tipsy.

Take care my dear. You will not go in vain.

Grey Matter

If you look deep enough into my head,
You may find,

Summer conversations
Winter cuddles
Meandering days
Tea and sugar
Stories on loan
Voices of others
Snippets of fading relationships
Time schedules.
Moments with you.
Philosophy and poetry strung through a necklace,
Algebra on music scores,

A thumbtack to piece it all together.

And if you stay long enough
Perhaps we’ll find a way.

The Topic of Getting Married Vs The Male Species

Ok. I have a question!

Why have I been constantly hearing that when it comes to the topic of marriage, men get scared willy-nilly.

WHATS UP!?

Should a girl bullshit her way through dating and not bring up the conversation until – what 3 years into the relationship, only to find out that the guy is a commitment-phobe?

And should I mask the fact that I’m a chick, and not tell you that – YES I may indulge in a little fantasy on the first date, wondering if your surname is going to be mine as you the guy might think about my booty on a lonely night? Are men not ballsy enough to understand that it’s just that- a little fantasy? Is being honest too full-on?

I say – spit it out on the first date! Name your intentions! Are you looking for:

a. A fling
b. A one night stand
c. Marriage
d. Just a friend
e. Anything will do, all of the above.

Please tick your category, and if our check-boxes coincide, well then, let’s see… shall we?

Should women state their intentions clearly early on? Why do men (in general) get turned-off by the idea of commitment?

Your thoughts please.