The Maternal Instinct

 

I have NEVER considered myself maternal. I used to shy away from kids. They scared the living bejeezus out of me. Okay, well not really, but they seemed so…foreign and …active.

But recently, I’ve found myself drawn to kids. Like a breeze of fresh air, they seem so innocent, pure and loveable. Their baby powder smell, like opening a new book for the first time. Their unabashed love of life and charging forth into everything new, with uninhibited laughter and joy.

I had a dream last night. Someone had literally massaged my ovaries out of me. And I quite willingly gave them away for some reason. I can’t remember why. They (the ovaries) looked like a see-through globe of water.

What does this mean?!

Is my clock ticking and my subconscious telling me I better pop one of those babies out soon? My goodness I’m only 27 (actually 26 for another month yet). What am I talking about.

Anyway, I’ve recently been looking at men’s fingers too. Does he have a ring, is he available, is he a potential? Will he be a good father? Can he be more than a client?

…..

I swear it must be biological. I feel like one of those aliens from the movie looking for a suitable host to bear children.

Thank goodness for brains, and self-restraint.

We have a live one!

Inspired by my good friend, who can be found at http://plastercinehead.wordpress.com/ .

So where are places to meet good men. And by good men I don’t mean cute men. I mean decent, marriageable fellas who are honest, down to earth, achievers blah blah blah.

Maybe it’ll help to start with – places not to go.

1. Clubs, bars, or any other sort of watering hole – sleazy, drunk men are gross. I’m sure there are some decent ones amidst the flies of intoxicated ones, and I’m sure some of the intoxicated ones when sober are really decent fellows. But it’s just a completely wrong context to meet them. They are so obviously looking to either (i) get laid or (ii) get laid.

1. Out with your parents who are trying to hook you up with their friend’s son on the pre-text of ‘just going for dinner together.’ Although with all the best intentions laid out, I have been on a few of these outings. They just don’t work. My mother, anxious as she is has tried to initate a few of these. Imagine if you will, me, my dad, my mom, his mother, his father, a very ‘interested’ aunty, and him all sitting at a dinner table, having met for the first time. Awkward? Most definitely. It’s like kindergarten and your parents are asking you to pee in front of the whole classroom.

1. http://www.915915.com.cn/ or (http://www.theage.com.au/news/china/rich-chinese-take-a-love-boat/2006/12/12/1165685658433.html for more information in English). I can just imagine it. Rich tycoon looking for tai-tai wife. And mistress. All on the same love-boat.

1. The Altar…hehe – well, since I haven’t found the person to get there with yet, not much point hanging around there I s’pose!

Places maybe to go.

1. Church. C’mon, everyone laughs at it. But seriously, if you are a Christian at least, why not? God intended man and woman to form in unison. Why not kill two birds with one stone and strengthen the relationship you have with God, and the hottie down pew four. However, being a spiritual person and not necessarily a Christian I feel too guilty doing this in His church.

1. Friendster, facebook and other community sites. Firstly because you can find out who their friends are so you know what sort of ‘company’ they keep, which says a lot about them. And secondly, people tend to be pretty honest about projecting who they are as individuals through sites like these. It’s like going on a first date, without actually meeting them. And you can weasel your way out of discomfort by acknowledging it’s a great way to ‘just meet friends’.

1. Out with friends who you see qualities you’d like in. Single, like-minded people attract other single like-minded individuals. Period.

1. Cross-country. There are actually women (no one I know personally of course), who move countries just to search for that perfect man. This is obviously becoming an epidemic! Anyway, if they don’t find someone in a couple of years, they move to another country for ‘work’. And the search begins again. So far, men from Thailand, Malaysia (for Japanese women especially), and continental countries like Europe if you’re looking for a different flavour seem to be fairly popular. Japanese men are cute. If you like them stereotypically, chauvinistic. With small *ahem* feet. I personally don’t discriminate… but I’d like to meet someone who’s got a bit more of an international flair.

Over n out.

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Working with the Ex-Factor

In a world that is already complicated, sometimes we humans lurve (and I mean loveee) to make things even more convoluted.

Like me!

When Mr Pan first asked me to start a business together – my initial reaction was – ‘Are you crazy?? You want to start a business with your girlfriend, who can often be psycho? Are you looking for suicide?’

Actually, to be honest it was more like –

‘You’re quite lazy. How do I know you’re going to work, or am I going to do it all for you.’

Very selfish I know. But God bless him, he took the plunge. I followed suit, although grudgingly. Brave man he.

Anyway fast forward four years later and having broken up, we’re still left with our baby – the business. For a girl who was afraid of commitment with this guy, in retrospect, I might as well have married the guy. Our relationship was on every level committed, except without signing the dotted line. Oh no wait…

We did sign the dotted line. To own 50/50 share.

When couples divorce, there is always the question of whether they can remain friends, and how can they keep it as amicable as possible so that the children don’t suffer. In our case, it’s a question of whether we can remain partners for the better of our dreams, and be married (potentially) to other people in the future.

Well anyway, I always believe if you lie in the bed, you make it too. Or something to that effect. Essentially I know we’ll get through this, for better or for learned. And I suppose if it does come to saying we don’t want to have anything to do with one another, one of us may eventually take the responsibility of this baby of ours. Which way it grows from there depends on who does the nurturing I suppose. And if we do decide to kill it, well, I’m sure glad it’s not actually a human.

Like any part of a couple going through a messy break-up slash divorce, this baby of ours has been the one thing I’m so proud of having created because of what it has taught us to become – resilient, patient, giving, decisive, and knowing that there is something more and greater than just him and I. And like any part of a couple going through the turmoil of making a decision as to where to go to in the next phase, my advise to anyone deciding whether to say ‘I do’ – whether it’s in a business, or actually getting married, or thinking that a kid is going to make an uncertain relationship better, word of advise:

It just magnifies whatever feelings are there in the first place.